Things that Strike Me Funny

Dead End - Prospect Avenue, Nashua, NH

Little to do with hiking here. These are just some things that have struck me funny. By special request, there is a list of my funny stories from the "Hiking with Chuck" Web site at the bottom of the page.

Just about everything strikes me funny in one way or another, but here are some things that can only be expressed in pictures. If you want to go back to HikingWithChuck, I certainly won't feel offended. But I do hope you'll enjoy a little dry humor here.

For things that strike me funny that can be expressed in words, you'll often find them at Ruminate.com or maybe in TopFive's "news headlines." Not everything I submit gets published. I attribute this to the same nonexistent assistant whom Chris White, the owner and editor of TopFive and Ruminations, blames for everything that goes wrong. Some of my Ruminations have even been published as "Bad Rumination of the Day!" (That assistant really needs to be fired.)

(Incidentally, the venerable TopFive comedy Web site and e-mail list is currently undergoing some rennovations. Stop by to see some opportunities to help out. Mostly, they need sponsorships. Advertise on one of the oldest continuously published Web phenomena! I did!)

Anyway, here are some funny things I've seen lately. Enjoy!

Ad: Toyota electronic controls are fail-safe. Rollover for proof.

I'm sure some Toyota advertising executive took a bit of heat for the unfortunate wording here. New ads: "Crash and burn for proof.".

Two messages on Twitter: Oil steady after economic report. Oil higher after economic report.

Sheesh! It's getting so you can't even trust Twitter for reliable news!

News headline: Stress may visibly harm kids' brains

If the stress is so great that the kid's brain is visible, yes, that would probably be harmful.

Tweet from an alien:  Suggest a good pizza?

Oh, I've got a suggestion. Can't help you out with the pizza, though.

Celebrity Headline:  Lindsay grabs takeout sushi.

Even more amazing: Someone gives a rat's patootie.

Email:  India is now following you on Twitter.

How to get 1 billion followers on Twitter.

Headline:  Autism more prevalent than thought.

Yes, as we've all observed, thought is not very prevalent.

Twitter profile, Psychic Radio.

Real psychics don't need radios.

Bottle of reconditioning hair conditioner.

Would I get the same effect if I simply used plain old conditioner twice?

News:  Inseminated elephant gives birth.

Isn't that sort of the way it always happens?

Ad:  Don't pay for white teeth.  Use our secret for $5.

Umm ... I'm a little confused as to whether they want me to pay them the five dollars.

Email list:  Flirt with sexy Christian singles.

That just ain't right.

Sign on barn, Lawrence Barn.

My barn has a first name. Friends call it Larry. Hollis, New Hampshire.

Two signs: No Smoking; You're in Bear country.

Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Marlboro Country anymore. Dry River Campground, Crawford Notch State Park, New Hampshire.

Sign missing a letter, Land For Ale.

Do you suppose they'd take beer instead? Bartlett, New Hampshire.

Truncated bumper sticker, picture of a bass with caption ASSMAN.

I guess he's allergic to B's. Nashua, New Hampshire.

Caption of CNN story about a girl falling into an open manhole.

How many morons can you find in this story? I don't mean to make light of the potential injuries (the girl was not seriously hurt), nor to exculpate the two city utility workers, but still, ... Okay, two city workers open the manhole then leave it unattended while they go to retrieve some orange cones to warn people about the open manhole. A teenage girl reading a text message walks right into the open manhole. The girl's mother then calls the news media to discuss this, and the girl herself goes on TV to tell the world about walking into an open manhole while texting. Now, I'm just looking at this from the perspective of common sense which, I know may have no bearing in a court of law, but one must ask oneself: Is there anything the girl could have done, and might reasonably be expected to have done, to prevent this accident? If you can think of anything, please don't text me while I'm walking. (From CNN video).

(Sorry, I can not resist this one.) Q: Why are manhole covers round? A: Because manholes are round.

Email list, 3rd and final message, twice.

Dear Barrister Marcus Andreeen Esq: Enclosed is a dictionary and an elementary arithmetic book. Please look up the word "final," and please learn to count.

Email list, 3rd and final message, followed by another message from the same person.

Dear Barrister Marcus Andreeen Esq: I see you did not receive my previous final message.


Sign, No Rest Rooms, in the middle of the woods.

The bears don't seem to mind.

(I'm afraid I can't quite capture the ambience here and have the sign still legible. This rest area is not even plowed in winter, and the picnic tables are very inconspicuous back among the trees. It really looks like this "No Rest Rooms" sign is just sitting in the middle of the woods.) Londonderry, New Hampshire.

Store sign, half off cards, not fully illuminated.

Even the sign is half off. Hudson, New Hampshire.

Two ads for celebrity IQ tests reporting different results.

Will the real "Real IQ Test" please stand up? (Who are you going to believe, someone who uses "U" for "you," or someone who uses s-apostrophe for possessive case?)

Partially obscured sign, New Markdowns Just Take.

Now, that's what I call a markdown! Nashua, New Hampshire

Pit bull examining lipstick.

Come on, dog, I'm going to make you Vice President. (I'd like to tell you the dog's name is Sarah, but it isn't. It's Leia.)

Vitamin tablets arranged as a smiley face.

Every morning, I put my wife's vitamins on the counter like this.

Frozen sandwiches:  New York Deli Style Philly CheeseSteak.

So, which is it, "New York Deli Style" or "Philly CheeseSteak"? As something of a connoisseur, I assure you, it can not be both.

Advertisement with dancing pandas.

Becoming a teacher or a social worker won't cost you an arm and a leg, just a leg.

Picture of elk accompanying news story about wireless service in Yellowstone.

Park officials rejected the idea of mounting cell-phone antennas on elk antlers. (My wireless phone doesn't work at all in the White Mountains. And I like that.)

Large Hadron Colliders don't destroy planets.  People who use Large Hadron Colliders to create black holes destroy planets!

A reply I received on a forum where I happened to mention the LHC. (Adding Bob Boyken to my list of notable wits.)

Advertisement:  Kia Borrego.

Readers of HikingWithChuck.com will recognize that "borrego" means "sheep." I guess they just didn't want to call it the Lemming.

Sign:  Help Wanted, Hot Meatloaf.

(Please insert your own punch line here.) Hudson, New Hampshire.

Wendy's old fashioned hamburgers - try a Baconater.

Yes, I'd like to try an old fashioned Baconater. Nashua, New Hampshire.

Linda's Karate.

Maybe she should change the name to something more bully-repelling, like Lin-Dah Karate. Hudson, New Hampshire.

Hungry-size bag of pretzels.

So, does "Hungry Size" mean that I should eat this if I'm hungry, or that I'll still be hungry after I eat it?

Confusing road sign.

Just follow Route 3A south. You can't possibly get lost. Hudson, New Hampshire.

Old Lincoln Continental on off-road truck undercarriage.

They just don't make luxury SUVs the way they used to. (It's for sale. I can get you the phone number, if you like. Gas mileage? Think of what you'll save on insurance!) Hudson, New Hampshire.

Sign on private security car:  Reliable Security.

"Reliable Security." Is there any other kind? Hudson, New Hampshire.

Sign on Chinese restaurant open July froth.

Dang furriners got no respect for the froth of July. (I didn't take a picture, but the other side of the sign had it spelled, "forth.") Hudson, New Hampshire.

Fresh air compressor for car tires.

Whenever I can, I look for bargains on day-old air for my car's tires. Laconia, New Hampshire.

Solar powered trash compactor.

Looks green. Sounds green. Smells brown. White Mountain National Forest, New Hampshire.

Sign overgrown with weeds.

The sign says, "Wildflower Area. No Mowing Before October 1st." But how will they know not to mow until they mow the weeds from in front of the sign? White Mountain National Forest, New Hampshire.

Restaurant called Dynamite Sushi.

I thought it was illegal to catch fish that way. Hudson, New Hampshire.

Icon of Norton 360 2008 Setup.

Maybe it's just me, and maybe you don't need a degree in psychology to figure out the hidden meaning, but even with my reading glasses on, this Norton 360 setup icon looks a whole lot like a mug with a good head on it.

Bumper sticker:  I'm voting for kids.

Reckon Senator McCain isn't getting his vote.

Teddy bear wearing glasses

This is where my wife keeps her reading glasses when not in use.

Classic photo of Winston Churchill

My newest granddaughter. (My father has always said that all babies look like Winston Churchill, so it has become my custom to e-mail this picture to the entire family whenever we welcome a new member of the tribe.)

Truck marked 'Siegel Egg Co.'

Needs no explanation if you've ever known anyone who pronounces "sea gull" like that. Near Andover, Massachusetts.

News story of gharial deaths in Lucknow, India

The endangered gharial may be out of Lucknow.

Sign at gas station calls diesel fuel _Dieselect_

So, how do I select diesel? Nashua, New Hampshire

Fortune cookie:  You may be hungry soon.  Order a takeout now.

Brilliant! Combining an old myth with a fortune cookie to create a marketing ploy. You gotta love America! ... Umm ... Wait a minute, ... Nashua, New Hampshire

Sign obscured by snow

I guess we'll have to wait until the snow melts to find out what chimney tar buildup is. Hudson, New Hampshire

Desk globe with disclaimer note

My wife gave me this little desk globe for Christmas. The enclosed note has some Chinese writing and what I take to be the English translation: "Statement: The globe or block is not for dividing line map, just only for sketchy map." Well, okay, as long as it doesn't contain any lead paint or anything.

Portable toilets with the name Dave's on them

What, did John's get bought out? Sanbornton, New Hampshire.

Sign:  Keep Off Banking

Keep on trucking. Sanbornton, New Hampshire.

Stop sign nearly buried in a snowbank

"What stop sign, Officer?" Andover, Massachusetts

Political campaign sign:  Curling Fans, vote for XXX.  He's one of us.

This candidate's party is hoping for a clean sweep. Nashua, New Hampshire

Warning message:  Old virus definition file.  Update or you won't catch the most recent viruses.

But I don't want to catch the most recent viruses, do I?

Apples on the ground forming the Greek letter Pi, Hollis, NH

Apple "Pi," you see. I arranged apples that had already fallen off the trees, and left them there for the next person to find. Hollis, New Hampshire.

The Chateau, Italian Family Dining, Andover, MA

Who knew "Chateau" is an Italian word? Andover, Massachusetts.

Poster:  The Rapture.  Jesus is coming, October 28, 1992.

If they were so sure the world was going to end, why did they make the poster durable enough to last for 15 years?
To be serious for a moment (I promise, I'll get to a punch line soon), here's my take on such things. Jesus said, "But of that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone." (Mt 24:36). So, as soon as anyone says they know, you can know that they're wrong!
More importantly, what Jesus is telling us is that the end of days is coming. Whether it comes for all of us or for each of us individually, a day will come that is the end of our days. Live each day prepared for it to be your last, and one day, you will be right. And when you stand before the Creator, be prepared to laugh off much of what you thought was important in this life. There is much that you can't take with you, but much that you can: "So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor 13:13). Everything else is laughable.
Photo taken in Manchester, New Hampshire, 9/23/2007.

Moose in convict stipes, Twin Mountain, NH

Background: About one in five businesses along U.S. Route 3 in the village of Twin Mountain, Carroll Township, has one of these moose silhouettes. The earliest ones are painted in basic moose colors, but the more recent ones have been decorated with silly costumes - a Red Sox uniform, Mexican fiesta garb, etc. Here is the moose in front of the new police station. It's in Twin Mountain, New Hampshire.

Fake Pine Tree, Nashua, NH

With all the money they take in, you'd think the wireless phone companies could afford to hire a designer who actually knows what a pine tree looks like. Note the actual pine trees in the background, for comparison. It's in Nashua, New Hampshire.

Hall Way, Greenfield, NH

One of my favorite street names. I do hope the person or persons for whom this street is named can appreciate the creativity of those who named it. It's in Greenfield, New Hampshire.

Office door with human figure

Our QA manager's office door kind of catches my eye every morning. Haven't heard any reports that it looks like any religious figure, but you never know. I suppose it could be a very skinny Elvis.

Wrong Way road sign hanging upside-down

This sign has been "wrong way" for months! It's in Andover, MA.

Funny Hiking Stories

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